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Estate Planning: 3 Tips to Get Your Family Talking More Effectively

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By: Jedediah McClure, JD

Communication is key in estate planning, but it requires careful preparation. Here are three tips to help your family engage in more effective discussions about estate planning.

Key Points

  • Prepare Your Family: Ensure everyone is ready and understands the goals of the discussion.
  • Set Ground Rules: Establish rules to create a respectful and safe environment for conversation.
  • Use Assessment Tools: Leverage tools like DISC® to understand and improve communication styles within the family.

Important Definitions

  • Estate Plan: A set of legal documents and strategies to manage and distribute your assets in the event of illness or death.
  • DISC® Assessment: A tool that categorizes communication styles into Dominance, Influence, Steadiness, and Compliance to help individuals understand their communication preferences and improve interactions.
  • Ground Rules: Agreed-upon guidelines that govern how family members communicate and interact during discussions.

Picture This Scenario

You’ve decided to tell your kids about your estate plan. This is a big step for you and your family. You want to be more transparent, share more information, and involve your children in the decision-making process. Your intent is excellent! But then, BOOM! Instead of harmony, it’s like an explosion goes off. Feelings are hurt, arguments ensue, and the goal is missed. Was this just mission impossible? What should you have done differently?

Tip 1: Signal Before Switching Lanes

I’ve seen this scenario play out all too often. Typically, the reason is that some family members feel they had no voice in advance of the meeting. Perhaps the parents hadn’t prepared their children to receive such information or provided context on the meeting’s goals. The children may see this as “Mom and Dad’s agenda.”

In our families, there are certain ways we operate and interact, often playing unspoken roles. When someone suddenly “shifts lanes” by choosing to act or interact differently, it can feel foreign and cause others to question the intent. It’s crucial to signal a change in behavior and explain why it’s happening. This preparation helps in changing communication patterns and setting clear expectations.

Tip 2: Create a Safe Space

When you start to shift lanes, you are working together differently. To make this shift more comfortable, collaborate as a family to define how you will act, communicate, and work together. This step is especially important for younger generations who may feel it’s not their place to share opinions or ask questions.

One way to co-create a safe space is to establish family ground rules. Examples include:

  • Only one person speaks at a time.
  • Listen respectfully and try to understand others’ perspectives.
  • Keep discussions private and not shared with friends or colleagues.
  • Honor each person’s current position.
  • Everyone owns a piece of the truth and the outcome.
  • All perspectives matter.
  • Questions are welcome.

By instituting protocols like these, families can create a positive environment where members feel comfortable sharing opinions, questions, and needs without fear of ramification.

Tip 3: Use Communication Assessment Tools

Communication assessments can help family members understand each other’s communication preferences. My team uses the DISC® assessment, but many other tools are available. These assessments are best delivered by a trained facilitator who can help interpret the results.

Understanding your communication style increases self-awareness and helps you see how others may perceive you. With practice, you can learn to adjust your style to better accommodate others, making your communications more effective.

For example, the DISC® assessment identifies four styles: Dominance, Influence, Steadiness, and Compliance. Each person typically exhibits a high level of one or two styles and a low level of the others. Recognizing these styles helps family members understand why they might clash and how to leverage their differences as strengths.

Great Communication Takes Intentionality

Consider using these three strategies to foster more effective communication within your family:

  1. Signal a Shift in Lanes: Prepare family members for changes in communication and explain the reasons behind them.
  2. Create a Safe Space: Establish ground rules to ensure all voices are respected and heard.
  3. Use a Communication Assessment: Employ tools to understand and improve your family’s communication dynamics.

One of the primary reasons wealth fails to transfer successfully across generations is due to a lack of communication. Poor communication can lead to a breakdown in trust. Changing the communication outlook for your family can make a significant difference.

If you need assistance with estate planning or improving family communication about these important matters, contact me today. At Supernus Law, we specialize in creating comprehensive estate plans and fostering effective family discussions tailored to your unique needs. Schedule a consultation with me, Jedediah McClure, and take the first step towards securing your legacy and protecting your loved ones.

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Effective communication ensures your wishes are honored and strengthens family bonds. Let’s work together to secure your future and provide peace of mind for you and your family.